i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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