You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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