could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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