i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I AM VODKA MAN
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
