Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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