I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
