Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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