Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
