My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Every concussion has its silver lining
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
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