so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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