Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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