Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
