i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
