im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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