i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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