come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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