i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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