I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize