I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
