I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
