Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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