he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
