I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
