I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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