Already got asked if we're dating
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
