So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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