dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
