You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
what is it with giant penises always finding me
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
