i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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