Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize