I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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