Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
