Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
