you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
