I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
