wrigley field is MILF paradise
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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