i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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