I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
