You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
