i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
