I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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