If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
