first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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