I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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