OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
