how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
