There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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