So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
