Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
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