I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
