i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
