I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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