I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
