I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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