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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Well how do you think I feel

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  fair enough

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• (509): View more from Washington

  I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"

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• (585): View more from New York

  Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together

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• (845): View more from New York

  I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "

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• (805): View more from California

  you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  I just sucked dick on a ferry

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?

  (1-832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'm afraid to ask, but go on.

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• (212): View more from New York

  I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.

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