im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
