Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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