I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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