In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
