oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
