Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
