Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
