Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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