He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
