return my video game
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
